Life with a dog, day 7

To punish me for relegating her to canine jail at night, my dog became an ass muncher. That is to say, she actually chewed a hole in herself until she bled.

Woe is me, for I am dog
Woe is me, for I am dog

I ran to Centinella like a spastic new parent and purchased sprays, a cone of shame, a thunder shirt, more chew toys than the dog has places to put em (take that however the fuck you want), and treats to encourage the few non-asshole traits she has.

Life with a dog, day 6

we had a tumultuous night together, the dog and I… I tried to crate her but she kept the house awake with wails of ultimate suffering. I then put her in the kitchen which still lead to whimper-barks that eerily sounded like the velociraptors in Jurrasic Park. I tried to correct this behavior with a squirt bottle and then she betrayed me. The bitch snapped at me. Her teeth never hit me, but she snapped at me. I bumped her nose and told her firmly “no”, and then she snapped again. I think she felt guilty because I marched her back to the crate without protest where she stayed quiet all night.

image

Life with a dog, day 4

Every show I’ve seen or person I’ve spoken to talks of “crate training”. ┬áThis is where you fool yourself into thinking your dog wants a cave to live in, and justify putting it in there whenever you aren’t home in lieu of training your dog not to be a dick. We have a crate for a litter of kittens I rescued at my store, and I figured it COULD be a good place to let the dog hang out when we’re eating so we don’t have a begging problem. We left the dog in this cage for exactly 1 1/2 hours to run an errand. I came back to a fecal-covered hound and smelly house. So far, I’m not digging this method.

IMG_1407Even though I wasn’t supposed to bathe her yet, the dog now smells acceptable.